the family system: dynamics & roles
As a therapist who has worked with clients of all ages, backgrounds, and identities over the last 10 years, I have found the need to educate my clients on the role of one’s family of origin in mental health. Read more below.
When we learn how to operate a certain way in order to serve, benefit, or regulate our family unit, it may seem like a normal part of being in a family. However, we often bring that role into our friendships, romantic relationships, and even our workplace. This can often cause stress, feelings of helplessness and other detrimental mental health effects.
The above is especially relevant for those raised in a family with dysfunctional dynamics. Examples of this include families where adults play favorites, demand perfection from children, and expect children to soothe and regulate the adults’ emotions. The roles in these families tend to come with emotional turmoil. Some examples of these roles include “The Golden Child” and “The Scapegoat”.
In my work with adult children of immigrants, along with those from collectivistic cultures, I recognize how crucial it is to be culturally sensitive when talking about family. It is natural to feel protective of your family of origin; therefore I want to emphasize that in discussing family dynamics, I do not mean to villainize them (no shaming, no blaming). Rather, my primary goal is to help you foster a sense of understanding and awareness. The more we explore, the more we can focus on your sense of empowerment within the system and gently re-evaluate your role as it relates to your wellbeing.
family of origin
roles & relational stress
dysfunctional families
my approach
Our sense of self is deeply shaped by our family of origin. It is the primary system where we learn how our values, beliefs, and behaviors.
Within this system, we may be assigned a role. You may have heard of roles such as “The Perfect One” or “The Black Sheep”. This happens through a combination of attachment to our family of origin and longterm conditioning.
read more:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
by Lindsay Gibson
Codependent No More:
by Melody Beattie
Walking on Eggshells
by Jane Isay
It Didn’t Start With You
by Mark Wolynn
more of my specialities related to family of origin:
eldest + only daughter syndome
dysfunction via addiction in the family
scapegoating
parentification
narcissistic family dynamics
If you’re ready to explore your how family and upbringing influences your experiences today (or just resonated with anything mentioned above) please don’t hesitate to reach out. Community is an integral part of this work; when we try to navigate our family dynamics and relationships alone, we can become incredibly confused and lonely. If anything, I encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings with the emotionally safe people in your life. And, of course, I am here for you as well.
